07 07 | 2014

Interview d'un canard du Lac de Cluses

Rédigé par Le Clusien

Classé dans : Nature, Interviews, Travaux, Environnement

En ce 7 juillet 2014, je rentre d'une réunion, et mon trajet emprunte les bords du Lac de Cluses. Au loin, un cri de désespoir : "Coin ! Coin ! Coin !". Un canard m'interpelle. Interview.


Le canard : COIN ! Eh toi ! C'est toi le Clusien, non ?

Le Clusien : Euh... oui. Pourquoi ?

Le canard : J'ai des revendiCOINtions ! Je veux être interviewé pour ton blog !

Le Clusien : Euh... ok, ben pourquoi pas. De toute façon à 22h, j'ai pas grand chose à faire d'autre. Qu'avez-vous à dire Monsieur le Canard ?

Le canard : La mairie a lancé les opérations de pompage et de défrichage dans notre lac, et personne ne se soucie de ma famille !

Le Clusien : Qu'arrive-t-il à votre famille, Monsieur le Canard ?

Le canard : Moi, ça fait dix ans que j'habite un buisson ici. J'ai eu des gosses, je me suis marié, on a des amis dans le voisinage. Mon fils est même fiancé avec la fille de la voisine...

Le Clusien : Les travaux remettent-ils en cause votre situation, Monsieur le Canard ?

Le canard : Oui ! Et COINment !

Le Clusien : Expliquez-moi, Monsieur le Canard.

Le canard : L'autre jour, j'étais en train de me laver tranquillou chez moi, quand un abruti et venu taillader le toit à coups de sécateur. J'ai été touché et j'ai perdu trois plumes ! Maintenant, je n'ai plus qu'une demi-maison et la fiancée de mon fils s'est même faite bouffer par un des adjoints au Maire.

Le Clusien : Vous estimez qu'il y a un manque de respect vis-à-vis de la population canarde dans le lac, Monsieur le Canard ?

Le canard : Oui, c'est une COINtastrophe sociale, civile et humanitaire ! On ne se soucie pas de nous pendant 10 ans, et du coup on fait notre petit bonhomme de chemin. Et aujourd'hui, sans COINcertation, sans même un avis à la population, on détruit nos maisons, et on nous expulse comme des roms. On vaut COIN même plus qu'eux, non ?

Le Clusien : Je ne m'aventurerai pas à un débat sur le sujet, Monsieur le Canard. Mais que va-t-il vous arriver alors ?

Le canard : On va prendre nos cliques et nos claques, et on va se barrer vers les bords de l'Arve, rejoindre nos cousins. Mais nous ne sommes pas bien vu là-bas, car ce sont des canards des champs, et nous, nous sommes des canards des villes. En plus, nous devrons trouver de COIN payer un loyer là-bas. Ici, nous étions ignorés par la municipalité, donc on squattait aux frais de la princesse.

Le Clusien : Vous n'avez pas de travail, Monsieur le Canard ?

Le canard : J'étais nourri au pain par les habitants du COIN, et hébergé gratos donc pas besoin. Ma femme va certainement devoir se prostituer, ça va encore faire les affaires de Dominique Martin tout ça !

Le Clusien : Vous votez à Cluses, Monsieur le Canard ?

Le canard : Oui, je suis sur la liste des faux électeurs. Tu penses bien, je suis un COINnard ! Mais je ne crois plus en la politique. En 2008, j'avais voté Jean-Claude Léger. Un de ses émissaires nous avait promis un city-stade pour les gosses, en échange de quelques voix. Nous n'avons rien vu ! Je vous l'ai dis, notre lac n'a pas bougé depuis 10 ans !

Le Clusien : Vous avez un message à faire passer aux lecteurs, Monsieur le Canard ?

Le canard : Oui. Nous avons besoin de pain pour grailler, mais nous acceptons aussi les plats préparés ou les pizzas, tant que ça vient de Cluses, nous ne sommes pas difficiles. Nous avons aussi besoin de branchages pour consolider nos baraques en ruines, le temps de déménager vers les bords de l'Arve.

Le Clusien : Vous avez déjà une future adresse précise, Monsieur le Canard ?

Le canard : Pas exactement, mais il y a de fortes chances que nous partions de Cluses. L'air des berges et le climat semblent bien plus sereins vers Marnaz.

Le Clusien : Merci Monsieur le Canard. Je publierai cet article rapidement.

Le canard : Merci mon pote. T'as pas quelques euros à me filer avant de partir ?

Le Clusien : Non désolé, je m'occupe déjà d'assez d'assistés dans mon entourage, et moi aussi je dois manger.

Le canard : COINnard !

Mots clés : coin-coin, canard, Rex, lac, lac de Cluses

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